The Very END of May and Jay
by catsvrsdogscatswin
Summary: May and Jay and our new secretary (the title image)! Watch as we survive the cast's murder attempts by increasingly ridiculous means! Yes, the Soul Eater crew are taking their revenge! Or at least trying...after all, May and Jay need to make more of their fanfics. The very LAST Soul Eater themed May and Jay, at least, the very last one that is themed for ONLY Soul Eater. *grins*...


_**Well, here we are again. My sister convinced me to do one LAST May and Jay fanfic with her. So, since we were out of ideas for torturing the Soul Eater cast, I thought to myself (which is your cue to start running) "Well, maybe they should get revenge on us…"**_

_***Warning, appearances by characters from completely random places, like other Animes and my own random OCs.  
**_

Sharks circled in the tank below the two captives, an eerie green light shining up through it, painting the room in strange shadows. A rope slowly lowered the two bound girls, both with ducktape (because what's any scene without ducktape, especially an execution one) over their mouths. "Mmmp." Said the younger one, and the older one shot back "M-mmh." They both gulped as a shark jumped out of the water, snapping at their legs. "Mm-pmh mmm." Said the older one in annoyance, and the younger one giggled. "Any last words?" A menacing voice said, and Jay began. "Mhm phm mm m-hm mmp, hmm mpmh hmh." She said, wiggling her fingers in illustration. "What?" A different, younger voice said. She started over, slower. "Mhm phm, mm m-hm mmp, hmm mpmh, hmh." She said, and yet another voice called out. "Just take the ducktape off already. Why did we even put that on them?"

The rope was quickly withdrawn and the ducktape ripped off of Jay and May's mouths, before they were once again lowered back towards the pool of water. "I _said_, did you get the sharks on EBay? I mean, seriously, you don't just find great whites lying on the beaches." She said, clearly annoyed. "Yeah, but you don't find _any_ sharks on beaches sis. That's why they live in the ocean." May said, glancing down at them. "And where's the green light coming from. It's creeping me out." Jay said, smirking at her sister. "Doesn't it bother you a wee little bit that we're about to kill you?" Arachne said, stepping out from the shadows. "I can swim." Jay said, shrugging. "That's why we put sharks in there." Stein said, turning his screw. "Yeah, but I'm a shark-" Jay smacked the back of her head into her sisters. "Shhh!" she hissed, and May closed her mouth. "You're a what?" Azusa said, clicking her glasses.

"Don't tell them anything." Jay hissed to her sister, before apparently going to sleep. "Being about to die doesn't seem to bother her very much, does it?" Blackstar said, scratching his head. "That's my big sis!" May said proudly, grinning. "Is there anything she's afraid of?" Medusa asked, seeing a chance to grill her without her sister preventing any slip ups. "Umm…" May said, squinting. The tips of Jay's boots touched the water. "Umm…" Now May's feet were in the drink as well. "Umm…" she said, as the water crept up to her waist and the sharks began circling. "May, stop stalling. Do your voodoo that you do." Jay said, bobbing her head at the sharks and opening her eyes. "Oh, right. Hey, is there anything you're afraid of?" Jay rolled her eyes. "I'll get back to you on that. Start talking." May took a deep breath. "OY BONEHEADS!" she screamed at the sharks, who stopped circling abruptly. "Yeah, you, you pathetic excuses for predators. You make me vomit, you slime bellied whining cods! We're tied up! You're being fed like pets! No, like _fishes_!" The sharks jerked back, and a few more emotional ones started tearing up. All right, so what if they were stuck in a tank, but to stoop to name calling, and saying they were _fishes_, that was just hurtful.

"Nice one May." Jay whispered, smirking. May beamed at her. "Thanks." She whispered back. "Alright you slimy fishes, chew through our ropes and I'll take it back." she growled, like her sister had admonished her, and the sharks began a feeding frenzy on those ropes, freeing them in an instant. Jay and May bobbed in the water, grinning up at the Soul Eater cast. Stein had forgotten to exhale and had cigarette smoke drifting out of his nose. Maka's eye was twitching, and Soul snapped his fingers, muttering "damnit" under his breath. Blackstar was doing sit ups, and hadn't noticed anything yet. Tsubaki counted it all out on her fingers, wondering how Jay and May managed to get themselves out of this one. Medusa was being forcibly restrained by Eruka and Free. Arachne's mouth was hanging open, forgotten champagne in hand. Mosquito stood stoically at her elbow as always.

Asura was snarling, fingers twitching like dying insects. Mifune was carefully aiming a sword at May and Jay, hoping he could kill them before they noticed and did something. Angela was sniffling. Blair pouted, sitting on Spirit's lap. Spirit was still drinking out of his vodka bottle and hadn't noticed anything. May and Jay high fived each other. "We left 'em speechless." Jay said proudly, smirking at May. "Yeah, I'm awesome!" she squeaked, beaming. "HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?" Lord Death bellowed, standing up. Jay grinned. "You know such-and-so whisperers? My sister's like that, only a shark _yeller_." Jay chuckled, floating on her back insolently and sticking her tongue out at him. There was a moment of silence as the Soul Eater cast pondered this. "Dang it." Sid said, scowling. "Now what?" Free asked, scratching his head. "Burn them alive?" Kim asked, looking down at the two sisters, who were busy riding the sharks.

"We ride at dawn!" May giggled, making her shark rear up out of the water. "I dub thee Bruce, you shall be my Bruce. CHARGE!" Jay shouted, smashing into May with her shark, Bruce. Everyone watching them sweatdropped. "Where's an oven?" Liz said, looking around. "There's one!" Patty squealed, pointing to a convenient huge witch's oven in the corner. "But that's my cookie oven…" Angela protested as they dragged May and Jay out of the shark tank and threw them in the oven. "I demand a last request!" Jay shouted, thumping her head against the iron door. "What?" Stein said irritably, opening it. "Can we have some marshmallows for smores?" Jay asked, grinning, and he closed it again. They lit the furnace, waiting hopefully for screams as the flames roared. No sound.

"Maybe someone put ducktape on them again?" Giriko said, downing a bottle of rum. "No, they were talking before. Jay asked for some marshmallows." Marie said, tapping a foot impatiently. Medusa grabbed some oven mitts and yanked the door down. May and Jay's rope had burned through, and they were sitting with their backs to the door, toasting hot dogs over the roaring flames. "I like smores better." May whined, and Jay shrugged. "Meh, I do too. But they said we couldn't have any." Medusa snarled, and Jay half turned. "Oh hey. Can you try this for us?" She shoved a hot dog in her mouth, and she fell on her back, choking. Jay peeked her head out. "So? More or less?" She spat the hot dog out. "Why you little brat! How are you even still alive!?" Jay beamed at her. "Why, I have no idea! Personally, this is all very confusing." She said, ducking her head back in and spearing another hot dog on her toasting fork.

May crawled out, covered in soot. "Hey, can we play the hug game?" She asked her sister, and she threw the toasting fork back in the oven. "Yeah sure." May and Jay ran forward and hugged the people nearest to them, covering them in soot and ashes. They were blown across the room by Free's angry howl, and slumped to the floor. "I protest!" Jay said, jabbing a finger straight up in the air. "What she said!" May said, also sticking a finger (not the middle one, her pointer) in the air. "I protest! How come he gets power lungs?" Jay whined, sitting up and rubbing the back of her head. May nodded, sneezing. Everyone facepalmed. "We need to make a list." Tsubaki said quietly. "So we can try out a bunch of stuff." They all thought about that, and gave Jay and May some Dum Dum pops to keep them occupied as they wrote down a list of various executions.

_Five to ten minutes later…._

"Yah Bruce yah!" Jay yelled, clinging to her shark as her vaulted through the hoop. "Kill Sharky, KIIIILLLLL!" May screamed, as her shark viciously attacked a squeaky toy floating in the water. "We ask you to watch them for _five minutes_, and this happens?" Maka growled to Stein, who shrugged sheepishly. Marie gibslapped him. He rubbed the back of his head, turning the giant screw and sighing. Lord Death and Justin Law hooked May and her sister and dragged them back up to their level. "AVENGE ME SHARKY! AVEENNNGGGE MEEEEE!" May wailed, and her sister sighed. "No fair. Bruce, take five." Blair hopped up and down. "So what's next on the list?" Medusa looked down.

_Hit them hard with a book- Maka_

_Make them study our homework-Soul_

_Beat the crap out of 'em-Black*Star_

_Ask them to please stop bugging us-Tsubaki_

_FIX THEIR ASYMMETRY-Death The Kid _

_Lock them in that one __really__ scary haunted house-Liz_

_Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes!-Patty_

_Dissect them-Stein_

_Give them to Stein-Spirit_

_Bury them alive-Sid_

_REAPER-CHOP!-Lord Death_

_Poison them slowly and horribly-Medusa_

_Squish them under something-Eruka_

_Magic Eye Cannon-Free_

_Pump 'em full of lead-Giriko_

_Electrocute them to a nice pop beat-Justin_

_Shove them in a maze and wait for them to starve-Marie_

_DROWN THEM LIKE THE LITTLE RATS THEY ARE!-Azusa_

_Suffocate them in a mummy's tomb-Arachne_

_Make them lie on a bed of nails-Mifune_

_Zzzzzzzzzzzz… -Angela, who was napping_

_Drain them of blood –Mosquito_

_Blast them with Vajra-Asura_

_Lightning king!-Ox_

_Take all their money and make them slave under our command-Kim_

_Cook 'em in something? I'm not hungry… -Kilik_

_Take out for a night on the town! –Blair_

"Err…these aren't all that helpful…" she said finally, avoiding the other people's eyes. Lord Death snatched the list from her. "Oh give me that! I'll proofread!" He said, looking down at it. He took out a giant black marker and began scribbling furiously, utterly focused on his task. Unnoticed, May and Jay tied Blackstar, Soul, Giriko, Ox, Kilik, Mifune, Justin, Free, Spirit, Sid, and Stein's, anyone with sneakers shoelace's together, working quickly and quietly. Then they hid in a corner. "Five… four… three… two… one." Jay said quietly, and Lord Death popped his head back up. "All done!" he chirped happily, handing the list back to Medusa, who looked it over again.

_Hit them hard with a book- Maka X_

_Make them study our homework-Soul X_

_Beat the crap out of 'em-Black*Star :D_

_Ask them to please stop bugging us-Tsubaki X_

_FIX THEIR ASYMMETRY-Death The Kid X_

_Lock them in that one __really__ scary haunted house-Liz :)_

_Giraffes! Giraffes! Giraffes!-Patty X_

_Dissect them-Stein :)_

_Give them to Stein-Spirit :)_

_Bury them alive-Sid :D_

_REAPER-CHOP!-Lord Death :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D_

_Poison them slowly and horribly-Medusa :)_

_Squish them under something-Eruka :)_

_Magic Eye Cannon-Free :)_

_Pump 'em full of lead-Giriko :D_

_Electrocute them to a nice pop beat-Justin :D_

_Shove them in a maze and wait for them to starve-Marie :)_

_DROWN THEM LIKE THE LITTLE RATS THEY ARE!-Azusa :D_

_Suffocate them in a mummy's tomb-Arachne :D_

_Make them lie on a bed of nails-Mifune :D_

_Zzzzzzzzzzzz… -Angela, who was napping X_

_Drain them of blood –Mosquito :)_

_Blast them with Vajra-Asura :)_

_Lightning king!-Ox X_

_Take all their money and make them slave under our command-Kim X_

_Cook 'em in something? I'm not hungry… -Kilik X_

_Take out for a night on the town! –Blair XXXXXXXXX_

"Run!" May shouted, darting for the door. Everyone tried to go after her, but they all fell, except for the following:

Maka-No shoelaces.

Blair, Tsubaki-Knee high boots.

Lord Death-No feet.

Arachne-In a dress.

Kid-Too twitchy for them to do it without noticing.

Marie, Azusa, Liz, Patty, Eruka -Heels.

Medusa, Free, Asura -No shoes, period.

May and Jay fell on the floor as well, but that was because they were laughing so hard. Stein cut his shoelaces open and stood up. "I will dissect you now." He growled, turning his bolt. They both didn't even hear him, they were still laughing so hard. "Well, we might as well let him go first." Maka said to Soul, helping him up. He nodded, and five minutes later May and Jay were on operating tables, strapped down. "Oww…" May moaned, trying to shield her eyes from the bright light. "Kinda reminds me of that one _Monty Python Flying Circus_ episode. You know, the one with the Gumbys?" Jay said, yawning. May cackled. "That one was so funny! "DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCCCTTTOOOOR!" What's your favorite part?" She giggled, and Jay snickered. "When he comes in and is all like "NO! NO I AM NOT THE BRAIN SPECIALIST! NO, NO I AM NOT. YES, YES I AM!" I mean, that's stupid even for a Gumby."

They were both giggling hysterically as Stein entered, and he frowned and whapped a steel clipboard into May's head to knock her out. She giggled still, eyes loosing focus. "Hehehehehehehehe, big sis, I can see pink flamingos…hehehehehe…" she slurred, drooling a little. Stein raised an eyebrow, seeing her brain waves start to skyrocket. "Hey May, stop that, you're creeping me out…" Jay said nervously, trying to edge away. The brain monitor started shaking. "Is that bad?" Tsubaki said outside, pointing to it. Everyone else shrugged. "Who knows, with Stein's equipment." Spirit said, scratching his head. The brain monitor was steaming now. "Uhh, I think you might want to watch out for that…" Jay said weakly, pointing behind Stein, who was holding a knife over her right eye. He blinked, glancing behind him. There was an almost musical ding, like a microwave oven, and everyone except May said "Oh crap."

The monitor, along with most of the lab equipment, blew up, skyrocketing both of the annoying girl's into the shark tank and Stein into the ceiling. Everyone else was covered in lab goo and knocked over. Jay floated to the surface, coughing. May surfaced beside her, rubbing her forehead. "What happened?" Jay shrugged. "Stein hit you with a clipboard and then you started babbling about flamingos and the brain-wave-a-tron started smoking and shaking and then blew up. Here Bruce! Heel!" she called, snapping her fingers. Her shark obediently drifted forward, and May stared up at her sister in awe. "I made something….BLOW UP!?" she squealed, eyes sparkling as she hopped on Sharky. Jay nodded. "It was a big Kaboom-boom as well." She said solemnly, smirking up at the Soul Eater characters. "Now what?" Arachne asked, grimacing and wiping sticky lab goo off her dress. "Bury them." Lord Death snarled, sneezing out more gunk that had gotten in his nose.

_One quick scene with a lot of shovels later…_

"And so, it has come to be, that Jay and May are interred within this hallowed spot of ground, forevermore to regret the decisions that came to put them within the clean earth and-" Justin was gibslapped by Spirit. "Shut up already and let's start shoveling." Giriko said, brandishing his spade. Jay and May were tied up, inside a large box so they couldn't dig their way out, right in the center of the large crater the cast had created. "Any last words this time?" Blackstar taunted, and a muffled voice came out "Do we get a flashlight?" Everyone rolled their eyes. "NO!" The voice sighed. "Spoilsports." Dirt began to rain down on the box, and after another few minutes there was just freshly turned earth. "Even those two couldn't get out of that." Marie said in relief, wiping her sweaty forehead.

_Back in the coffin-box-thing…_

"This is bad." May said, curling up and whimpering. "This is very bad." Jay nodded. "This is worse than that one time we lost both IPod chargers!" she wailed, shaking her IPod violently. May's had already fizzled out and now hers was flashing the 20% battery warning. "I have to beat the boss!" she snarled, desperately clicking on the touch screen. There was a scraping, crunching sound under them, and a young Chinese girl popped her head out of a hole in the bottom. "Jay-san! May-san!" she shouted happily, hugging them. Jay looked up. "Oh hey Lao. Guess what, you can dig a hole to China in reverse!" May shouted, giggling. Lao nodded, smirking. "Well, I don't suppose you can lend us a shovel?" Jay said hopefully, turning her IPod off.

Lao handed her a spade. "Thanks. You're the best." Jay said, hugging her and handing over a couple hundred dollars. (International calls are really expensive after all) Lao shrugged. "Hey, anything for you two! Plus, now you guys owe me one." Jay nodded, already halfway to the surface. "Yep. Drop us a line sometime and we'll tunnel on over." May nodded and jumped up, clambering after her sister.

_On the surface…_

"Wait, what's that!?" Liz shouted, seeing a hand punch its way to the surface. "Zombie!" Patty giggled, pointing to it. Liz screamed and ran back inside, and everyone else edged away. "Moan, groan, whatever…" Jay snorted, pulling herself out of the ground. "How…" Free snarled, one eye twitching. "Why…" Asura moaned, seeing May come up as well. "This isn't happening, it's not real…" Stein muttered, turning his screw rapidly. May and Jay looked down at themselves, and Jay held her shirt away from her slightly. "We really need to hose down…" she mumbled, prompting Lord Death to look at the list again. _DROWN THEM LIKE THE LITTLE RATS THEY ARE!_ He showed the list to the others, and they all smirked, looking at May and Jay evilly.

_Somewhere in the Bermuda triangle…_

"I always wanted to see this place…" Jay said meditatively, looking out over the tossing waves. May nodded, hopping excitedly, or as much as the leg chains allowed. The Soul Eater cast looked at each other and shrugged. "Any last words _this_ time?" Kim said wearily, with Azusa holding out her hands inches from Jay and Mays' backs, and Jay pursed her lips in thought. She snapped her fingers and started to speak in a heavy British accent. "Gentlemen, I swear I shall not return until I find and show the world the location of fabled Atlantis. Through all nature and humans throw at me, I shall push on until I discover that most elusive of items, the whole, unaltered truth of-" she was shoved in the water hurriedly by Azusa, and May followed after.

_On the ocean floor…_

May's voice crackled over the speaker in Jay's ear. "So, wait, you aren't really going to go after Atlantis are you?" Jay snorted, bubbles streaming through her snorkel. "Are you kidding? Well, I suppose if it's on the way…c'mon, let's see what's at the bottom of the Devil's Triangle. They started to walk across the ocean floor, and pretty soon large structures loomed up out of the murky water. "Switching on lightbulbs." Jay said firmly, and flashlights on top of their scuba masks lit up. May swam up to a giant ship laid out on the ocean floor. "_USS Cyclops_? Who names a ship that?" Jay shrugged, swimming up as well. "Meh, who knows? This is the Bermuda Triangle, there's probably a virtual armada of sunken ships and crashed planes down here, along with a whole bunch of kooky alien and sea monsters." Jay said casually, making her fingers curl like claws and darting at her.

May yelped through the headset, making Jay wince, and darted into the shadow of some planes laid out a few hundred feet away. Jay swam after her, muttering insults under her breath and shaking her head repeatedly. When she finally got there, she tapped a foot midwater, looking annoyed. May peeked out from under a wing that read "_Flight 19_". Jay scowled at her. "Do _not_ do that again." Jay growled, rubbing her ears. May shrugged sheepishly and swam up from under the wing of the plane. Jay gibslapped the back of her head and they swam off, humming to themselves. "Hey, what's that?" May asked, flashing her light on another plane, which they swam over to. "_Lockheed Model L0-E Electra._ That sounds familiar…" Jay mused, peering into the pilot's seat, in which a bony skeleton sat, old-fashioned goggles hovering over their nose. "Well…whatever. C'mon May, let's go. We'll Google it when we come back up for air." She said, swimming away with her sister.

_A few months later…_

Lord Death and all the DWMA students were watching TV, peaceful and content now that May and her sister weren't going to drop in on them again. "…_breaking news report! Atlantis has been found at last! Two lucky young girls discovered the fabled city beneath the waves on a snorkeling trip through the Bermuda Triangle. Here they are, the now-world-wide famous, MAY and JAY!_" Everyone whipped up, gaping at the screen. Jay was talking rapidly to the newsman, gesturing to a statue behind her and explaining where they had found it and shaking water from her hair. There was a moment of outraged silence, which was broken by Lord Death frantically texting Arachne and Medusa to tell them it wasn't over yet.

_After going and "picking up" May and Jay…_

"Daw, hi guys!" Jay said happily, waving as Free shoved her and her sister into a locked room. "Let's…electrocute them." He said, dusting his hands off and looking down the list. Everyone nodded and pretty soon May and Jay had wires streaming from their forehead, strapped down in an electric chair. "So what should we put on?" Justin asked, holding his hands over the control board. Everyone shrugged and he randomly pressed a button as jolts of electricity began vibrating through May and Jay. Their eyes lit up, and they wiggled as best they could to the beat, slipping their hands out from the straps and leaping up, dancing to the beat jerkily as sparks flew along their bodies. "WHOO! Carmeldansen!" Jay shouted, giggling as she danced to the beat as everyone's eyes slowly traveled to a blushing Azusa.

She grabbed a microphone and yelled into it "STOP DANCING THIS INSTANT YOU BRATS!" May and Jay ground to a halt, sparks flaring from their hair and electric waves dancing up and down their bodies. "But it's fun…" May said sadly, pouting. Jay nodded, grinning and high fiving her sister. The resulting electric charge blew them both off their feet, slamming May through the window and Jay into the shark tank. Jay floated in the water, hair still crackling as she mounted Bruce and jumped him, seeing if May was alright. May sat up, sparks flying off her ears. "Wha happened?" she slurred, and Jay cackled, dropping back down with Bruce. Arachne snatched the list and peered at it, growling under her breath. _Suffocate them in a mummy's tomb._ "This one." She said, showing the others.

_A plane ride to Egypt later…_

May and Jay gulped as the stone slab grated into place behind them sealing them off in darkness. "Well, here we are. HELLO, ANYBODY HOOOOOOMMMEE?!" Jay bellowed, cupping her hands around her mouth as her cry echoed into the musty depths. They both put a hand to their ears, listening hard. "Nmmmmm…" A growl echoed up from the depths, and Jay nodded in satisfaction. "It sounds like a no." May nodded, clicking on her flashlight app. "It did start with an "n" sound." She admitted, following her sister deeper into the dusty vault. They carefully picked their way across the stones, avoiding anything the even remotely looked like a line, because they were both very superstitious. "_Don't step on a crack or you'll break your momma's back_." May whispered, and her sister nodded, skipping a little over a particularly large crack. "She won't yell at me anymore for being awesome." Jay said sadly, hopscotching across a particularly large spiderwebbed patch.

Eventually they came to a vault, and both May and Jay sighed in annoyance. There was a gleaming gold coffin, piles and piles of gold, silver, and precious gems, but no exit. Jay went right up to the coffin and squatted down, reading the hieroglyphs. "Bird, man, man with spear, fish, basket, the letter N, crocodile, frowny face…" she muttered as May kicked a wall, hoping it would open. "Which one's the letter N?" she asked, and Jay pointed to a squiggle. "That's the only one I could ever remember. N is the funny-looking squiggle." She explained, and May nodded. "KNOCK KNOCK! WE NEED OUT!" May bellowed, pounding her fist on the coffin lid. It creaked, and was suddenly heaved aside. May and Jay backed against a wall as Jay gibslapped her sister in annoyance. Then both their mouths dropped open. "Do I even need to ask what the heck's going on anymore?" Jay asked wearily, rubbing her eyes as May hit her head against the ground. "Who the hell are you?" Grell Sutcliff asked, putting a hand on his hip as he flicked his long red hair back, chainsaw dangling against the ground.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, IS THE SYSTEM ON THE FRITZ OR SOMETHING?! GET OUT OF MY FANFIC YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A REAPER!" Jay roared, jabbing her finger in Grell's startled face. "What's wrong with you?" he grumbled, shoving it away. "He's…pfft…_HE'S_ a Reaper!?" May started cackling, and Grell pouted. "I collect souls with my Grim Reaper scythe. Yours is next little girl!" he shouted, swinging it up as Jay blinked. "Dude, out. You disgrace the coolness of the name Reaper." She snapped, clapping her hands and making him disappear in a poof of smoke. "Was he really a Reaper?" May asked curiously as Jay sighed and put the coffin lid back on neatly. "_Kuroshitsuji_, Black Butler. He's a really, REALLY inept Reaper that collects souls and nice stuff like that. I hate him 'cause he's just so much of an _idiot_." She explained, looking inside the coffin and sneezing.

"Nobody else in here." She said, closing the lid and starting to poke around the tomb. "Maybe if we lean against a wall we'll get yanked into a secret passage." May said, testing it out by resting her back against the wall, arms folded. Jay shrugged, and then the entire section of the floor dropped out beneath them. May landed on Jay, who landed on a mummy, who landed on the ground. (They were already on the ground, but May and Jay's impact made them bounce) "Mmm…" the mummy groaned, and both May and Jay instantly got up. "Oops! Sorry sir or mam, but we really can't choose where we land!" Jay apologized, dusting herself off. The mummy reached up and yanked most of the wrappings off his face. "Are you trying to steal my gold?" May snorted as Jay chuckled. "Uh, no. Sorry to disappoint." Jay said, plopping down beside the mummy and pulling out a compass. "Quite alright. I'm getting tired of strangling people." The mummy said happily, stretching his legs out and yawning.

"I know right, you'd think skeletons would be enough to make them think "hmm, maybe this isn't a good idea" but they never listen to reason!" Jay agreed, sighing as the needle swayed wildly. "Indeed. I mean, there's a whole movie franchise about mummies and the idiots try anyways!" the mummy said in exasperation, waving his dusty arms around in exasperation. "Yeah…do you know the way out?" May asked, poking at the walls repeatedly. "What do I get in return?" the mummy asked instantly, and Jay frowned. "Uhh…" 

_A couple hours later…_

"THANK YOU!" the mummy shouted, waving happily to May and Jay as the helicopter started taking off. "YOU'RE WELCOME!" they shouted back, waving. After they were out of sight May punched Jay's arm. "Why'd we have to give him the DVD set of Soul eater?! And why _my_ DVD set?" she wailed, and Jay chuckled. "It was the only thing I had on hand that he might want." May whimpered, curling up in a ball and rocking herself rapidly. "But what if he goes all "Wrath of the Pharaoh" on us?" she asked, and Jay paused. "Did not think that through…" she admitted, glancing back to the pyramid and crossing her fingers. "Please don't go Wrath of the Pharaoh, please don't go Wrath of the Pharaoh, please don't…" May muttered, praying desperately as Jay snorted, rolling her eyes. "HI GUYS!" Jay bellowed, waving to the stunned Soul Eater cast as the helicopter dropped them off. For a moment there was only silence. Then it was broken as Lord Death cracked his knuckles, looking pissed.

_A quick scene with some ropes, a shovel, and a Persian Iguana later…_

"So now what?" May asked as she and her sister were shoved down yet another hall, cast grumbling in their wake. "Maze?" Marie asked wearily, and the other shrugged. It probably wasn't going to work, but at least they could try and think up something else while Jay and her sister stumbled around. They were dropped, without flashlights, into a dark and musty tomb. Two identical sneezes drifted up to the Soul eater cast as Free hauled the stone over the entrance, and they all crossed their fingers, praying this was the end of May and Jay. They looked at the screen as the leaders began plotting, setting up the next methods and crossing them off the list.

_In the dark, damp, dusty maze…_

"Achoo!" Jay sneezed, holding a hand over her nose. "Yeah…" May groaned, sniffling. It was very…sneezy in here. They both covered their mouths with their shirts, walking farther in. they came to a cross-section, and May and Jay both looked each way. "You take that way and I'll take this way. Come right back here when you hit a divide." Jay said, going to the right. May nodded nervously and went the other way, sneakers squeaking on the floor. Jay came to the end of her trail first, a dead end, no other passage. She nodded in satisfaction and started walking back, going past the meeting place and down May's tunnel. She was suddenly jumped by a person, head whacking against the floor. "GAH! ANOTHER NINJA!" they roared, hitting her over the head with a rather thin stick. Jay sighed in annoyance and screeched "I'M NOT A NINJA AND NEITHER IS MY SISTER!" His attack stopped, and he backed away. "Oh. So sorry mam." He said meekly, helping her up.

"So what crackjob are you?" Jay asked, helping her sister up from where she had been buried in dust, immobilized. "My name's…uh…" he said, posturing, then deflating as he realized he didn't know his name. "Alright May. What does this guy look like to you?" Jay asked, cradling her chin as she studied him. He certainly was an interesting character. Part of his mouth had been sewn like Stein's body, and he was thin, almost anemic. He had oddly dexterous hands, and an old headset dangled loosely on his head. He had black hair, and his skin was grey and papery. He had huge bags under his eyes, like he didn't sleep much, and the eyes themselves were black and wary. "He looks like a…Mack." May said finally, and Jay studied him. "Yeah…so you like? Mack?" the boy thought about it for a split second. "Yep!" Mack said, facing lighting up.

"So, what're you doing down here?" Jay asked as they began walking, and Mack shrugged. "Dunno. You?" Jay and her sister grinned. "Some people are trying to kill us because we did nasty things to them!" she said happily, and May giggled. Mack's face lit up. "Hey, can I join in?" he asked excitedly, and the sisters exchanged glances. "Uh…I guess. Do you mind being a secretary? We need someone to take care of all the contracts n' stuff that we use, and we're sort of used to being just the two of us, you know?" If anything, he looked happier. "SURE! I mean, I'll be your secretary. Anything my boss wants I'll do." He said, standing at attention just behind May. "Right! We're off to see the wizard…" May chirped, skipping along behind her sister as they went deeper into the maze. "How long have you been down here?" Jay asked, and he blinked. "Uh…what year is it?"

_Back with the Soul Eater people…_

"Avast me hearties yoho!" May giggled, waving a stick above her head as she, Mack, and Jay exited the maze in front of the extremely grumpy Soul Eater cast. "Bed of nails." Azusa growled, grabbing them both by their arms as their loyal secretary scampered happily in their wake. "Oh, swanky…" Jay said as they were tossed on the needle-sharp bed, immediately assuming a meditating position and "oomm…"ing doggedly. May did the same, and Mack sat down, shuffling their old and ready to be drawn-up contracts, muttering to himself as he studied them. He grabbed a carton of juice from May with a murmur of thanks, returning fiercely to his studies as he sipped it. "Oomm…oomm… oomm…" Jay murmured, starting to float in the air. "Cool!" May squeaked, and she cracked an eye open. "Shush. I'm focusing on my mantra." Jay hissed, before closing her eyes again.

May squeezed her eyes shut; imitating her sister as she slowly began to hover, inches above the poky nails. Mack watched them, making notes and yawning behind and upraised hand, tired out. Eventually Eruka was sent in to check on them, and she stuttered for a minute and twenty seconds (Mack counted at the request of Jay) before she bolted, screeching to the others that it didn't work. Mack followed happily in their wake as they were dragged to a large stone block. "I wanna do it!" he shouted, squeezing in beside them. "I'm doing anything the bosses do!" he said proudly, and they nudged him in congratulation, beaming proudly.

"Your funeral." Stein said, pulling his cigar out of his mouth. "Bye bye." Medusa leered, grabbing a lever and preparing to drop it. "You might wanna rethink that…" Kilik warned him as her fingers clenched. Mack stuck his tongue out at them all and sat back, staying with his employers. The block descended and they all closed their eyes, waiting for the crushing demise that awaited them. No smoosh. They cracked their eyes open, seeing the block, and in fact everyone else, floating in midair. Mack, Jay, and May slowly floated off the ground, and Mack quickly untied his bosses. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Sid roared, trying to swim through the air and strangle May and Jay. "Must've forgotten to pay the gravity bill…" Jay murmured, looking at the thermostat on the wall. "You gotta be kidding me!" Soul snarled, smacking his forehead at another failed attempt.

_After Mack gets the gravity repairman over…_

"That'll be fifty thousand." The man said, and Jay slapped the bills in his palm. "Thanks. Pleasure." He tipped his hat to her as he said this and walked away, whistling. She walked back inside, to where the cast was trying to get a very grumpy Lord Death out from under the block, which he had unluckily floated under just before the gravity was restored. Jay tsked while Mack and May muffled giggles, leaning on each other to keep from falling over as the very P. (and squashed) Reaper drew himself up to his full height, albeit his suddenly much more flat height. "HAUNTED HOUSE!" he roared, sending them tumbling out the door by the sheer volume alone, not to mention the shockwaves.

_A quick drive to the haunted house…_

"I like it." Mack said, looking up at the house assessingly as Jay and May were led out of the taxi, in handcuffs that were removed as soon as Medusa and Kim shoved them inside the house. "Yeah…pretty plants…" Jay mused, managing to pick a Deadly Nightshade flower before they were both locked in, along with Mack of course. "Should we ask anyone for help?" Jay asked, dusting her hands off as May sat down on a dusty old couch with a puff and a huge billow of dust, and Mack frowned in thought. "Well…" he said slowly, looking around and inching closer to his bosses.

_Few hours later after Mack rustled up all the supplies…_

"Heeeerrrreeeee kiiiitttttyyy kiiiitttttyyy… heeeerrrreeeee kiiiitttttyyy kiiiitttttyyy…" Jay and May called, bowing several times before the alter Mack had set up. He was following the ritual as well, in his own chalked in pentacle. Lit candles were dancing around in the air, swaying to some unknown beat. The wooden floorboards and roof were creaking, like footsteps were walking across them, or something was being dragged, but they ignored it, still chanting. Ice was forming on the margins of the designs, and their breath hovered in chilly clouds, despite the dancing flames of the candles. "Heeeerrrreeeee kiiiitttttyyy kiiiitttttyyy… heeeerrrreeeee kiiiitttttyyy kiiiitttttyyy…" they called, bowing repeatedly as they chanted, Jay and Mack waving burning catnip in the air and May offering up a ball of yarn.

There was a sudden yowling, and all the lights went out. They stopped chanting, and paw steps began whispering across the floorboards. Unseen, they all grinned and set their offerings outside the lines, and there was some happy mewling as they could hear the yarn being batted around. There was some crunching, followed by a slight burp, and the lights suddenly came back on, revealing cat paw prints seared into the floorboards and the catnip and yarn gone. "Sweet!" Jay said, high fiving Mack, who grinned. She grabbed May's elbow, helping her to her feet as she panted and collapsed in a chair, wiped. "So then…" Jay said, stretching out her legs on the floor and chuckling. "When are we going to ask for help?"

_As the sun rose and the Soul Eater people came to check on how we were doing…_

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, I QUIT, I'M DONE, I'M GOING TO LIVE IN ANOTHER BLOODY HOUSE!" a voice roared, shattering a few windows, and to their surprise, a skeleton slammed the front door open and marched out, grumbling to himself. They started to sweat. That probably wasn't a good sign. A wailing started up, and hundreds of ghosts poured from every crack and crevice, swooping over the unfortunate countryside and fleeing the figures now strolling out of the front doors. "I'm having another nightmare…" Kid moaned, falling backwards as he caught sight of the asymmetrical way Mack's headphones were angled on his head. Stein's eye was twitching as he fumed, rapidly twisting his screw. Mosquito fainted, and Giriko glanced at the rum in his hands, tossing it over his shoulder and hitting his head slightly to make sure he wasn't drunk beyond all measures of humanity. "Hello my lovelies. Miss us?" Jay cackled, holding her arms out, and May grinned.

_About half an hour later, back in that one building with the shark tank, the "home base" as it were…_

"REAPER CHOP!" Lord Death howled, and Jay gazed calmly at his impending his white hand, not flinching even a little. "OW!" he roared as her hair sparked, some electricity still left over from the previous attempt, holding his hand and cursing as he tried to get the pins and needles out. He tried again, but this time screeched, hopping around and waving his other hand as Mack and May watched in morbid amusement. "Lord Death, I think you re-broke your hand." Stein said, pushing up his glasses as he saw the damage. "I KNOW THAT! OW!" he bellowed, sending Maka, Blackstar, Tsubaki, Spirit, and Arachne flying as his voice became indistinguishable from a concussive blast. Jay, May, and Mack all smirked at each other, shaking their heads sadly.

"Next…ow…" he whimpered as Stein began fixing up his hand, and Ox picked up the list. "Next up…blast them with Vajra." He said clearly, and Asura smirked. "Hey Mack, you might wanna-" Jay began, but was cut off by a huge blast from the Kishin's…whatever the hell it was…and the area within about fifty feet outwards became a large pulsing ball of red light. He closed his mouth, swallowing Vajra with a smug grin on his face. There was a crunch, and everyone froze. Jay, May, and Mack sat up, prying themselves from the charcoal ground, covered in soot but completely unharmed.

"That's cool." Jay said, looking down at her hands. "We're ashes!" May chirped, clapping her hands, causing large puffs of grit to fly outward from her hands. "That's for the warning Jay. Wasn't needed though." Mack said apologetically, sitting up as well. "OH COME ON!" Asura shouted, stomping his feet and raging. "Poor guy." Jay said, watching him throw his little Kishin-fit. "He's still mad about the skin scarves!" May cackled, drawing on her arm and rolling on the ground happily. "Too much stress is unhealthy." Mack added, taking the juice straw in his mouth again. "Now what…" Marie asked desperately, seeing the short amount of items left on the list. "Might as well try mine…" Free said, turning and starting to charge his Magic Eye Cannon. Jay and her sister, as well as Mack, huddled together, watching in mute horror as the green energy beam around his eye swelled. It burst towards them in a hellish green spear, and they all closed their eyes.

"I REGRET NOTHING!" Schrödinger howled, falling out of midair and intercepting the beam, sucking it and Free back into wherever he had come from as he was burned up. There was a moment of silence, and Jay checked her anime list. "Wait a minute…he's from Hellsing…" she muttered, looking around in confusion. The Soul Eater characters were all either fainting or raging. "You guys are all getting too fancy!" Giriko roared, tick mark erupting on his face as he cocked a shotgun, aiming directly at the pair. "NOTHING BEATS GOOD OL' FASHIONED BUCKSHOT!" he roared, firing rapidly as dust kicked up around the sisters and their secretary from bullet impacts. He waited, and the dust cleared. They were calmly sipping tea, Mack contentedly munching on a sugar cube as they leaned against an out-of-nowhere-appearing concrete wall.

He kissed tarmac, rage too much for his body to contain and short-circuiting his brain. He lay there, twitching, and Kim grabbed his hair, dragging him away to the casualty zone. (So far occupied by Lord Death, with a broken hand, and Stein, who was trying to fix him.) Arachne sighed and looked down at the list. "Poison?" she asked wearily, and everyone grinned. May, Jay, and Mack were still sipping tea, and right then and there they all had an evil, wonderful, awful idea. (Yeah. We stole from the Grinch. Sue us. :P)

_A couple hours later…_

"I got snake venom, rat poison, spider venom, berry juice extracts, mushrooms, and…what was the last one?" Maka said, looking up from the grocery list as Blair set the last dish on the table. "Dunno." Medusa grunted, wiping her apron off and hanging it on a convenient hook. "I believe it was some kind of scorpion." Arachne said, closing the oven and wiping her sweaty forehead off. "Right…" Maka muttered looking back down at the list. "That's everything then?" Stein asked, sticking his head through the door. "Because if you don't hurry up we're going to run out of candy and then we're all in trouble." Sid added, ducking under Stein and sweating slightly. Everyone went pale, and the girls hurried to get the last couple dishes out.

May, Jay, and Mack were all munching on some chocolate and Dum Dum pops when they came out, and it was clear from the wrappers littering the table this wasn't the first round. The poisoned meal was set before them, and they dug in, except for Mack, who had a stomach ache. The Soul eater cast watched in anticipation, frowning a little when they realized the poisons should've affected them by now. Medusa pulled out her own contribution to the recipe, frowning as she read over the Nutrition Label. "_Guaranteed death in less than two minutes, ingredients…_" She scratched her head, seeing the clock tick its way past ten minutes, and May and Jay finished the meal. "I GIVE UP!" Justin yelled, fleeing past them to the doors. He had cracked under the tension. "Mommy I want to go to the circus! I like the pretty clowns! Where's my music mommy!" his voice called, getting fainter and fainter and ending in the slam of the front door. "Well, he's an idiot." Jay said, picking up the last Dum Dum pop and sticking it in her mouth.

_Half an hour later, when the Soul Eater people are sure we're not getting sick from the poison…_

"Drain them, drain them dry…" Stein cackled, done fixing up Lord Death. He turned the crank, the pump swooshing and sucking two cups (just to be precise, for people who like that sort of thing) of blood out of May and Jay's bodies. "Mack, place that call I asked for." Jay said, raising her head slightly. He nodded and began texting, humming a little to himself, completely trusting that his bosses would come out of this alive and kicking. (Possibly literally)They lay there, thinking evil little thoughts, hearing the swoosh as blood was sucked out of their bodies cup by cup. After a while Jay lifted her head again. "Shouldn't we be dry by now?" she asked slowly, and Mosquito measured the blood in the jugs. "Yes. You should be withered husks, in fact." He said, glancing at them uneasily. "Mkay." She said again, closing her eyes.

After another pause, both she and her sister lifted their heads as they saw the machine sucking their blood beginning to hum and shudder. "That's not good, is it?" Jay asked calmly, tapping a fingernail against the bedpost. There was a gurgle, as if the blood was agreeing with her, and suddenly it burst out of the jugs, twisting and writhing to form a tornado of the sticky red liquid. "I AM BLOODY-STAIN! I WILL DRAIN YOUR SOUL!" it boomed, and both May and Jay glanced at each other. "I think he's one of yours." Jay said, staring at the whirling blood tornado. "But mine are usually pink." May pointed out, sitting up slightly. "Good point…" Jay mused, cupping her chin as she was suddenly free of the restraints, studying the blood tornado. May sat up as well, and there was moment of silence as the blood-tornado and sisters studied each other. "Your souls are missing." The tornado said doubtfully, and they sisters smirked at each other.

"There's a bunch of nice people whose souls need to be drained. Go, be free giant crazy homicidal blood tornado!" Jay said, making a shooing motion. "Oaky then!" it said happily, whirling away. There was a moment of silence, and May and Jay walked out into the common area, Mack joining them. "That's it." Medusa growled, rolling up her sleeves. "We've tried everything but the last one." Lord Death sighed, cracking his knuckles. May and Jay yawned, along with Mack. "Hey sis, is there a way to get out of this?" May whispered, tugging on her sister's sleeve, and Jay shrugged. "If the text Mack placed got through, yes, we will get through this." She said, and May gulped. "You did read my other fanfics like I told you?" Jay asked suddenly, and May blushed. "Err…no?" she mumbled, shuffling her feet and avoiding her sister's shocked glare. She sighed. "I just hope they recognize your authority…" she grumbled, and May gulped. "For the very last time, any last words?" Maka snarled, rotating her wrists to loosen her muscles.

Jay stepped forward and took a deep breath. "Let this be put down in history as jay's final speech." She held her hands out, a few inches apart. "Friend, enemies, Bruce, this is the end. I am using up my last ounce of creativity and all will end dramatically-like." She clapped her hands together rapidly, twice. Suddenly a tank ploughed through the wall and a blonde teen popped her head out. "Mistress! Are you okay?!" Jay made a circle with her fingers. "Okay-dokey." She said cheerfully, dusting herself off. "Who's she?" May whispered, tugging on Jay's sleeve. "If you read my fanfics like I told you to you would know." Jay said tartly, turning away. "Who'd you bring?" she asked, and the girl grinned. "Myself, Techno, Maniac, and a couple of crazy-" another teen jumped out of the tank, wielding an anti-air cannon. "All shall perish! Panzerfaust!" he shouted, aiming it at the Soul eater cast. "DK?!" Soul spluttered, jaw hanging open. "What the hell are you doing helping these nuts?" Blackstar asked, scratching his head. DK grinned and shouldered his gun. "Eh, gotta help my creator, sorry. Rules are rules." He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Who cares?! GET 'EM!" Giriko bellowed, and battle was joined. Sadly, it was rather one-sided. Another teen popped out of the tank, match clenched between her teeth like a cigarette as she hurled grenades that (while tiny) packed a powerful punch, keeping them from getting their bearings as a boy with purple hair vaulted over the tank's sides, gleaming electric wires writhing in his wake. The blonde girl hopped over the side as well, ears shifting to the top of her head and growing catlike, neat fangs and claws replacing teeth and nails. She howled into the battle, and it all kinda went downhill from there. At some point several of the characters recognized Kage and Akuma, but they were too busy getting whipped by the others to be sure.

DK, Jay, Mack, and May were all munching popcorn and watching the performance, discussing fanfics. "Look, I know you got the 'blocks for it, but just try! It's getting boring being in limbo all the time..." DK whined, jabbing a finger at Jay's chest. She squirmed, swallowing her popcorn and blushing. "I'm trying; at least I got this published. It's got you guys in it." she mumbled. He sighed as Mack and May began an arm wrestling competition for the last bowl of popcorn. "Yeah but you brought the Hellsing OCs into it too." He grumbled, snagging the bowl just as May reached for it and tossing the whole thing down as she glared at him, outraged. Jay nodded, watching absently as Zara kicked Eruka all the way across the room, pouncing on Stein and trying to gnaw the screw right off his head. "Well, better get back to it. Remember lady, I got your number. Update soon or…" DK made a motion across his throat. Jay rolled her eyes and nodded, shooing him with her hands. He swung his beloved panzerfaust around, shouting "WHO WANTS SOME KABOOM-BOOMS?!" and charging into the fray.

May, Jay, and Mack watched as the Soul eater cast were rapidly beat into submission, then stood up as Zara and her mercenaries walked over. "It's fun being out of limbo again." Techno murmured, stretching. "Yeah. See ya." Jay said, exchanging a high five with Maniac and a peace sign with Zara. They climbed in the tank with DK, Kage, and Akuma, and rolled off, occasionally firing something explosive at a particularly offensive piece of shrubbery. Jay clapped her hands, and she, Mack, and May vanished. All that was left was the groaning Soul eater characters as they slowly regained consciousness, blearily looking around and wincing at every movement. Lord Death hobbled over, picking up a scrap of paper. It had a picture of May and Jay, smirking, and on the back was written "_We'll meet again soon guys! And we're bringing some new friends to the party!_"


End file.
